The Signs Saga

In M. Night Shyamalan's movie Signs, crop circle signs mysteriously appear, followed by a full scale invasion of aliens. In our soap opera, our FSBO sign that was posted in front of our development for a month, mysteriously dissapeared the night before our open house, followed by a full scale invasion of ......THE REALTOR, known from here on as The Bitch Lady.

The events of the Sign Saga prior and post the Sunday Open House:

1. Saturday night or early Sunday morning, the Bitch Lady throws our sign over the brick gate at the entrance to our development. Alternate case is that she has one of her colleagues do it. Her motive to kill competitive advertising is due to the fact that the unit she is selling is located right next door to ours. Her Bitch personality helps her on her way.

2. Sunday at 12:00 pm, the Bitch Lady puts up her own Open House signs, but is immediately told to remove them from Development Property. While she is taking the signs down and thinking hard where to put them, my husband confronts her in the following manner: “Hi, my name is so and so. If you took my FSBO sign, please put it back by the end of the day. I just want my sign back.” The Bitch Lady then has a ‘guilty’ reaction to the tune of “Oh, sign? What sign?” To this obvious evasive tactic my brave husband answers “The huge red FSBO sign with our address on it, at the entrance to the development.” The Bitch Lady then proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs some undistinguishable crap, which is nonetheless heard all the way down the street by myself and neighbors engaged in an afternoon chat.

3. Sunday at 12:20 pm, the Bitch Lady proceeds to get on her cell phone and call the cops. Her reasons are as follow: “Officer, one of the neighbors is threatening me and my clients. He is about 5 foot 7 and weighs about 160 lbs. He said that if I didn’t return his sign, he would turn up his base music and make it hard for me to sell the condo. Please come quickly and bring a swat team.”

4. Two cop cars show up and proceed to take the Bitch Lady’s statement. Then they come down the street to talk to myself and my husband. They seem sympathetic to the fact that our only means of advertising for the Open House has been unceremoniously removed by malicious realtors. They offer a possible explanation to the tune of “What if a drunk guy was walking from the bar last night and decided to take your sign?” After this explanation is uttered, it sounds stupid even to them.

5. The cops leave and I run to an intersection in our town, which has another sign that we put up. I take it and place it back at the front of the development. We attach balloons to this second sign and Open House traffic seems to pick up.

6. Sunday at 3:00 pm I go for a casual stroll, mainly to check on the temporary sign. I see that it too has gone missing. At this point, I realize that the Bitch Lady’s signs are missing as well. I speak with someone who saw a van with MORRISTOWN painted on it pick up all signs posted on public property. I deduce that the town has come around and picked up our second sign.

7. Sunday at 3:15 pm, two hours before the end of the Open House, the Bitch Lady calls the family, to come back to their condo. She pretends she has no idea what happened, when they tell her that there are no Coldwell signs out front. She tells them not to worry because they are at the town’s Zoning Board and then proceeds to call the Zoning Board directly.

8. Monday at 12:00 pm I go to the town’s Zoning Board to pick up my sign. I only find the second sign with the balloons, which confirms our suspicion that the Bitch Lady sabotaged the first sign. I ask the Zoning Board personnel why the signs were picked up, and they tell me that they receive phone calls from realtors to pick up competing signs. This explains why the town came around first time in a month. Bitch Lady called in our second sign, and her own signs, to cover her ass. It explains why she called the family to come back as soon as the signs were picked up around 3:00 pm the previous day. It also explains why she was so sure where the signs ended up.

9. Monday at 9:00 pm we find our first sign on top of the brick gate by our development entrance. It was returned to us after all. So, who do YOU think too it? Did you think that the Bitch Lady sabotage our Open House or not?